By Sarah Bruck, Therapist in Knoxville, TN.
When you leave a toxic relationship, everyone talks about the relief, the self discovery, the weight off your shoulders.
But what no one talks about is what comes after.
Like how you second-guess every decision.
Or how you replay every red flag and wonder, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
Or how trusting someone else again feels hard — but trusting yourself feels impossible.
The Aftershock of a Toxic Relationship
Toxic relationships — whether romantic, familial, or even friendships — chip away at your internal compass. Especially if there was:
Gaslighting or manipulation
Constant criticism or emotional abuse
Control disguised as “love”
Repeated betrayal, lying, or infidelity
Over time, you learn to ignore your gut, silence your needs, and believe that your feelings are “too much,” “irrational,” or “wrong.”
So when you finally leave, there’s often this painful question lingering underneath the relief:
“If I ignored the red flags once, how can I trust myself not to do it again?”
Why Self-Trust Gets Damaged
Let’s be clear: you didn’t lose your ability to trust yourself — it was eroded by a relationship that made you doubt it.
Toxic dynamics often create:
Hypervigilance (“Am I overreacting or is this a red flag?”)
Shame (“I should’ve known better.”)
External validation dependence (“I’ll just ask someone else what to do.”)
Disconnection from your body (“I don’t even know what I feel anymore.”)
This isn’t your fault. It’s your nervous system’s way of surviving when your environment wasn’t safe.
How to Rebuild Self-Trust After a Toxic Relationship
Healing is possible — and it doesn’t start with trusting someone else. It starts with you.
1. Validate Your Past Experience
Stop gaslighting yourself. What happened, happened. Even if no one else saw it. Even if they seemed “nice” to others.
Journaling prompt: What do I wish someone else would say about what I went through?
2. Practice Small, Safe Decisions
Rebuilding self-trust doesn’t require huge leaps. Start with daily choices:
What do I want to eat right now?
Do I actually want to go to this event?
What does my body feel like doing today?
Trust builds through consistency, not perfection.
3. Reconnect With Your Body
Your body knew the truth, even when your brain couldn’t.
Try breathwork, gentle movement, somatic therapy, or body scans.
Pay attention to sensations when something feels “off” or “safe” — your body is wise.
4. Get Curious, Not Critical
Self-trust isn’t about never making mistakes — it’s about knowing you’ll have your own back when you do.
Ask: What was I needing when I made that choice? instead of What was I thinking?!
5. Redefine What Love & Safety Actually Feel Like
Sometimes, chaos and unpredictability felt like “home.” Peace might feel boring or unfamiliar at first — that’s okay.
You’re learning what healthy connection actually looks and feels like.
You’re Allowed to Trust Yourself Again
Here’s the truth:
Your intuition was always there. It just got buried under fear, manipulation, and the need to survive.
Now, you’re in a new season — one where your voice matters, your feelings are valid, and you get to rebuild a life rooted in safety, clarity, and self-trust.
And if you need support along the way? You don’t have to do it alone.