By Sarah Bruck, Therapist in Knoxville, TN.
Have you ever felt like your heart’s racing, your thoughts are out of control, and no amount of affirmation and positive self talk seems to work?
Take a breath.
You are not broken and the world is not ending.
Your nervous system is just doing what it was built to do.
But here’s the good news: you can learn to regulate it — even when it feels impossible.
What Is Nervous System Regulation?
Your nervous system is like your body’s internal alarm system. When it senses danger (even emotional or perceived), it kicks into one of several states:
Fight (irritability, panic, anger)
Flight (restlessness, anxiety, over-productivity)
Freeze (numbness, exhaustion, shutdown)
Fawn (people-pleasing, perfectionism, appeasing)
This system kept our ancestors alive, but today’s “threats” (emails, rejection, family tension) can activate it just as much as a bear in the woods.
Regulation is the practice of bringing your body back to a calm, safe baseline.
Signs Your Nervous System Is Dysregulated
Racing thoughts or mental fog
Trouble sleeping or oversleeping
Feeling emotionally numb or overly reactive
Tension in your jaw, chest, or stomach
Shutting down during conflict or overstimulation
Cravings for sugar, caffeine, or alcohol to “calm down”
Panic attacks or emotional outbursts that feel “out of nowhere”
How to Regulate Your Nervous System (Backed by Science & Therapy)
1. Orienting to Safety
Look around and name five things you see, hear, or feel.
This simple grounding practice tells your body: “I am not in danger.” It’s especially useful after a trigger.
2. Humming or Singing
Yes, really. Your vagus nerve (which helps regulate the parasympathetic nervous system) responds to vibration — especially in your throat.
Try humming your favorite song or chanting “om” for a few breaths. You might be surprised by how soothing it feels.
3. Cold Water Reset
Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube for 30 seconds.
This activates your “dive reflex,” which slows the heart rate and promotes calm. It’s great for panic, dissociation, or feeling out of your body.
4. Movement That Matches Your State
Feeling wired? Shake it out. Frozen? Stretch slowly.
Trauma and anxiety are stored in the body. Gentle, intuitive movement — even dancing or jumping — can help “complete the stress cycle.”
5. Breathwork (But Keep It Simple)
Try box breathing: Inhale 4 – Hold 4 – Exhale 4 – Hold 4.
Or
Focus on lengthening your exhale. Naturally, when we breathe in, the heart rate increases and as we exhale, our heart rate decreases. This is referred to as Respiratory Sinus Arrhythmia. If we focus on lengthening the exhale, we slow down the heart and establish safety in our bodies.
If deep breathing makes you dizzy or anxious, you’re not alone. Keep it light, slow, and gentle. Sighing works too.
6. Co-Regulation
Talk to someone safe. Hug a loved one. Sit next to a pet.
You don’t have to do it alone. Regulating with another nervous system is faster and more effective than solo work. (This is one reason therapy works.)
What Not to Do When You’re Dysregulated
Don’t force yourself to “logic it out” — your thinking brain is offline during fight/flight
Don’t beat yourself up for how you’re feeling — self-criticism only escalates stress
Don’t push through — pause instead. The world can wait. Your body cannot.
Final Thoughts: Regulation Isn’t a Trick — It’s a Practice
Regulating your nervous system isn’t a one-and-done skill. It’s a lifelong practice of listening, slowing down, and giving your body what it needs to feel safe.
If you’ve spent years stuck in survival mode, this might feel awkward at first. That’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong — you’re just rewiring. And with time, it gets easier.