What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles are patterns of how we relate to others, especially in close relationships. These patterns are usually formed in early childhood based on how our caregivers responded to our needs—but they continue to influence our relationships throughout life.
Understanding your attachment style can be a powerful step toward improving how you connect with others, whether it’s in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.
The Four Main Attachment Styles
1. Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment styles tend to:
Feel comfortable with intimacy and independence.
Trust others and themselves in relationships.
Communicate openly and handle conflict in healthy ways.
Securely attached individuals often had consistent and responsive caregiving as children. But even if this wasn’t your experience, secure attachment can still be developed through self-awareness and healing relationships—including therapy.
2. Anxious Attachment
People with an anxious attachment style may:
Worry about being abandoned or not being good enough.
Crave closeness and reassurance, but still feel insecure.
Become overly preoccupied with their partner’s needs or moods.
This style often develops when caregivers were inconsistent—sometimes attentive, sometimes neglectful. In adulthood, this can lead to clinginess, emotional highs and lows, or difficulty trusting a partner’s love.
3. Avoidant Attachment
Those with avoidant attachment styles tend to:
Value independence to the point of emotional distance.
Feel uncomfortable with vulnerability or expressing needs.
Pull away when others get too close.
Avoidant styles often stem from caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or rejecting. As adults, avoidantly attached individuals may struggle to rely on others or believe that relationships can meet their emotional needs.
4. Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment is a blend of anxious and avoidant traits. People with this style often:
Want closeness but fear getting hurt.
Struggle with trust and may push people away, even when they crave connection.
Have a history of trauma, neglect, or chaotic caregiving environments.
This style can create intense emotional confusion and difficulty regulating closeness in relationships.
Can Attachment Styles Change?
Yes! While attachment styles often begin in childhood, they are not fixed. With insight, emotional work, and safe, secure connections (including in therapy), people can move toward more secure attachment patterns.
Therapy can help you:
Understand your relational patterns. Develop emotional regulation and trust. Practice new ways of relating in a safe, supportive environment.
Why Understanding Attachment Matters
Attachment affects everything from how we argue, to how we show love, to how we cope with stress. When we understand our attachment style, we gain insight into our triggers, needs, and emotional world.
Whether you’re trying to heal from past relationships or build a healthier one now, attachment work can be a transformative part of your personal growth.